December, 2022
I rarely achieve “empty mind” when I meditate. Maybe like you, my mind seems to default to use this time to “plan”, which is a nice word for obsessively reviewing my to-do list and my worries. One day this phrase came to me: Breathing IS planning. I “plan” because I think it will improve my reaction later when something happens. But it probably won’t happen exactly like that anyway. What will always be true, though, is that whatever happens, taking a breath before reacting will improve my situation. So, the best planning I can do is to plan to breathe.
April, 2022
More than once the narrative in my mind while I try to find peace in my sitting meditation is a critique of my failure to find peace.
That’s not the best path to satisfaction.
Most of the advice I’ve ever seen says maybe the most important thing you can do while watching your thoughts is to suspend the judgement of them. How often do you really have the chance to practice tenderness toward yourself – what is called metta, or loving-kindness? When I have had conversations with people who say they have tried meditation, but it just doesn’t work for them, usually there is some kind of self-criticism attached. It’s not something you would do to other people you cared about, so it’s probably not a good idea to do it to yourself.
February, 2022
I get great creative insights when I meditate. That sounds like a good thing, and for the most part it is, but the challenge is what to do with them when they come around. Meditation wisdom says don’t hang on to your thoughts, let them pass by like a feather floating down a stream. But what if they are really amazing ideas? Do you keep a notepad nearby and just really, really quickly jot down a few key words so you don’t lose the thread forever? That feels like breaking the rules, somehow, but what if that burst of inspiration is really important, and what if the rest of my sit is lost anyway to worrying about whether or not I’ll remember it?
If I find myself caught in the idea that silently, constantly repeating the idea to myself to lock it in and can’t break out of it, once in a great while I’ll hit the record button on whatever device is nearby and just record a fragment or two. That seems a little less disruptive than stopping to write something down.
For the most part, I’ve decided to trust. After all, meditation is kind of an exercise in trust anyway. I try to trust that the really important stuff will resurface, maybe in an even better, refined version of itself. And like many of my meditation experiences, I am often frustrated in the moment but gratified in the end.